Elder Mediation: A Facilitated Family Meeting

Elder Mediation is increasingly being used by families that are facing care issues for an aging or ill family member. For families in these circumstances, elder mediation is a process whereby they can hold a meeting to discuss how they would like to handle the challenges of progressive illness or aging of a loved one.

Elder mediation is a proactive means to address financial and medical issues with a professional facilitator who can assist the family with identifying the options available while also addressing the roles that each member will or will not play in the ongoing care of the family member.

Families Facing Uncharted Territory:  Aging

Too often, families are faced with a crisis for which they had not prepared. Adult sons and daughters launch into a reactive mode to address "mother's fall" or "dad's stroke" without consulting others in the family who may have information, resources, or other stakes in the situation. Sometimes the reaction works just fine, but it also is a way to alienate family and friends and create discord in the future.

A family's eldest members may not take the time to share their wants and desires on how they live and how they age until it is too late. This scenario also plays out with younger individuals that face a terminal illness. Why? Death is generally a topic that is avoided.

However, elder mediation - a facilitated family meeting - is often just what the doctor ordered. For an aging family member, "calling" the meeting is a way to ensure that his or her wishes are known and honored. It is proactive and can assist in preventing later misunderstandings later. Sometimes, however, the aging family member cannot make a meaningful contribution to such as discussion, but the meeting should take place.

Elder mediators often have a strong understanding of the law, financial implications of long term care, aging resources and options, and health concerns of the geriatric. This combination of skill sets, which often are complemented with a strong understanding of human nature and their emotions, can help guide a family who is facing uncharted territory.

Elder Mediation Facilitates "That Talk"

For families that hold a mediation session, they often walk away with a better understanding of each other's desires for assisting in the situation and how they will react to the unforeseeable. In America, many families are no longer situated near each other. Often, only one child lives near an aging parent. Sometimes, adult children are willing to contribute financially to the care of a parent, but are not able to be a hands-on caregiver. Establishing a plan in mediation regarding how the family will move forward is imperative to ensuring that the aging loved one is cared for properly and respectfully.

Lack of communication between adult siblings (and often their spouses or partners) can create misunderstanding, bitterness, and suspicion. It is not unusual for the local caregiver to be well versed in the senior's financial and medical business.  However, those family members who are not.  They often feel uninformed and sometimes are shocked to learn "how bad" the family member has gotten or "how little" the senior has financially. These surprises often trigger a typical grief cycle that often includes suspicion, denial, and anger that create a bad round of the "blame game."  It doesn't have to be that way.

Putting off the meeting to talk about hard topics of illness, loss, and death is easy to do.  However, by holding that conversation - with a trained mediator who knows the law and available resources - a family can better ensure that their loved one is treated with respect and dignity.  Elder mediators can easily be found at locations such as One Mediation or in mediation directory sites.  Take charge and help your family help your family.